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  #321  
Old 27 November 2018, 13:11
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I’ve been gagged
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  #322  
Old 27 November 2018, 14:11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maas View Post
So Jason let me know he got 50/50 custody with his son. So his daughter will get to spend lots of time with him.

Maas


Great news!
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  #323  
Old 30 November 2018, 10:21
EShepp EShepp is offline
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Anybody have any contacts or recommendations for someone to speak to in the Virginia Beach area?
Professional or semi-professional. Doesn't matter.
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  #324  
Old 30 November 2018, 11:52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EShepp View Post
Anybody have any contacts or recommendations for someone to speak to in the Virginia Beach area?
Professional or semi-professional. Doesn't matter.
We have lots of folks in VA, someone one should be along soon with a recommendation.
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  #325  
Old 3 December 2018, 12:24
EShepp EShepp is offline
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Much appreciated.
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  #326  
Old 3 December 2018, 13:27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EShepp View Post
Much appreciated.


You talking about counseling, or what?
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I was born my papa's son
When I hit the ground I was on the run
I had one glad hand and the other behind
You can have yours, just give me mine
When the hound dog barkin' in the black of the night
Stick my hand in my pocket, everything's all right

-ZZ Top
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  #327  
Old 4 December 2018, 22:11
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Originally Posted by EShepp View Post
Anybody have any contacts or recommendations for someone to speak to in the Virginia Beach area?
Professional or semi-professional. Doesn't matter.
Vet Centers are a great option.
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  #328  
Old 14 March 2019, 10:20
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Terry Welshan Terry Welshan is offline
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Originally Posted by Sharky View Post
As I pointed out to someone else.....although it is hilarious to watch, I can also appreciate the fact that they are obviously fucking terrified and yet they jumped anyway. That takes balls to overcome that level of fear.
Sharky posted this in the African Paratrooper thread but it struck a chord with me as it relates to this thread. We have all heard the meme that suicide is a cowardly act. Yet I think the above quote may have more truth to the number of our SOF brethren who have chosen to face it.
They have faced and overcome things most would be terrified of trying and altho misguided I wonder if they look at the end of life as one more challenge to be overcome ?
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  #329  
Old 15 March 2019, 10:21
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leopardprey leopardprey is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terry Welshan View Post
Sharky posted this in the African Paratrooper thread but it struck a chord with me as it relates to this thread. We have all heard the meme that suicide is a cowardly act. Yet I think the above quote may have more truth to the number of our SOF brethren who have chosen to face it.
They have faced and overcome things most would be terrified of trying and altho misguided I wonder if they look at the end of life as one more challenge to be overcome ?
Not really, I think it has more to do with going from 100 mph to
0 mph. From Hero to Zero. Loss of a mission, loss of a tribe, loss of feeling of purpose, once top of the peak physically to now getting old, broken, failing health. Just being another "civilian". Loss of purpose that no civilian job can hold. Regrets from sacrifices made.

The constant living on the edge, the constant being on the lookout, the war set mind for years - now in a civilian world/USA and that mind set is still there but the outlet is not. Seeing others succeed and have all the success in life, yet they never served/stepped to the plate. Questioning where is the justice in it all? Coming back and seeing our nation erode in terms of values, and questioning why wasted time overseas. Questioning why you survived yet others with more to lose, lost their lives or disfigured.

Now the years are gone. One feeling no hope, no way to move forward. Constant nightmares. People say talk, but action is needed. We don't need the Hooter's waitress telling us thanks for our service, we need her going home with us. We don't need thanks, we need a job with a purpose. SOF vets need recognition, respect, health and jobs from their time down range as a service member or contractor. The SOF/contractor bet misses their time down range and realizes that was the highlight of their life, where they belonged - not stuck in suburbia or a cubicle/office job doing nothing of importance and their two week vacation a year.

These are the things that make a SOF veteran feel at odds, get depressed and despair till the end. Then it becomes the domino effect, one problem creates another and another. Many single vets with no good woman to pull them through, left alone. The loneliness and emptiness. When there seems their usefulness is used up, their dignity and respect gone. No one cares or just gives lip service. That then becomes the end game, when death seems the only way out.

So make a plan, find a way out. Try not to look at the past. Find a new passion. Get a hobby that consumes your time. Get back to nature, into nature. Turn off the TV. Pack your bags and leave. Go get a young girl in the PI or Thailand to spend time with. Don't envy others. Learn to be content. Make friends with other SOF veterans, real friends - not just on the internet. Go help others. End the bitterness. End the substance abuses. Try to exercise if you physically still can. Read more books. Realize death will come soon enough, no need to quicken it. See VA for pain mitigation. Try. Try again. Fall down, get up. Try again.
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Last edited by leopardprey; 15 March 2019 at 10:33.
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  #330  
Old 15 March 2019, 11:16
Chesie Chesie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leopardprey View Post
your post
LP,

I think your post has a lot of truth to it, but I also think there is something we aren't quite capturing when we describe PTSD and suicidal ideation with our most-elite SM's. I don't think we build proper resiliency skills in our regular service members, but our SOF guys have, through weeding out the weak, developed tremendous resiliency skills during their careers. Yet, they are still affected by their time in service and have problems re-adjusting to civilian life.

I don't know this, but based on my personal observations this is what I think may be taking place. I think brain chemistry changes, and the neural pathways SOF bubbas use to process emotional stimuli changes over time. The ability to live in the grey world of civilian life is difficult, when for years decisions seem black and white. They go from rapid decision making, often over life-and-death scenarios, to processing complex, often mundane problems over time in the civilian world.

I have now spent two combat deployments far away from base, embedded with some of the best warriors our country has ever produced, and as the senior medical dude, the guys that need to talk quietly gravitate to me. The common theme is that they are stressed over seemingly small things (usually back home), but they don't want to discuss how it is affecting them with their teammates, because they don't want to appear weak. They also don't want to leave theater, lest they let their bubbas down. But they need help with the stress; not war stress, but home stress.

But what I see isn't really a coping mechanism breakdown; these guys are applying TTPs learned in war and trying to apply them to civilian life problems. They have lost the patience to develop the situation, probably because no one ever taught them how.

What I would love to see with our SOF forces coming home is peer-developed resiliency, where we teach patience and the ability to understand better our loved ones' perspectives. We do such a good job teaching these guys self-sufficiency, working as a team towards a common goal, and ... warfighting. But we have let these guys down, because we don't teach them how to get off the war horse, and how to live life, after war, with the same enthusiasm they applied to their lives during war.

This is just an observation, and I do not intend to stir the shit-pot of AD vs guard/reserve, but the NG SF guys all seemed to do better with the "home life" and transitioning away from theater than the AD SOF bubbas. I think the intermittent doses of civilian life and "normal" human interactions helps these guys relate. The deployment tempos are similar, so it isn't an accumulation of war that seems to be the problem. As LP alluded to, I think the AD guys live in the military world exclusively for so long, that their brains forget how to process stimuli like a civilian.

And I think this difference in re-acclimation would be an excellent topic for psychologists to study. The answer is in there, somewhere.

This topic is very important to me, both personally and professionally.

V/R,
Danny
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  #331  
Old 19 March 2019, 20:40
JohnG JohnG is offline
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I saw the development of "Peer Support" in LE here in So Cal. Initially it wasn't something I would recommend to anyone. It was set up by people who I didn't believe were actually concerned about the folks who needed it.
The policy was written in a way that worked against the officers who did step up for counselling and it was often used in a Fitness for Duty hearing to prevent the officer from either returning to full duty or restricting them from carrying a firearm. The officers would then have to almost fight to return to full duty or convince the psychologist/psychiatrist that they were mentally ready to return to work.
I think I've known at least 10 officers who have committed suicide, line officers and command staff. Their fellow officers often fall into two categories, the "they were just mentally weak." or "I never saw that coming"...If you actually do care about the people you work with, be there for them when you see they need help.
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  #332  
Old 3 May 2019, 18:05
Bellerophon Bellerophon is offline
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So I've got this friend, yeah yeah it's not me in disguise. He's still active duty (over 20 yrs in), I was his Corpsman. For the past few years we've been talking sporadically but he calls me up when he's feeling especially bad. He knows I have my own issues and I think that has made him more comfortable talking to me even though we were like 6 pay grades apart, not that that really matters but you get my drift, we have gotten closer over the years. So far our talks and commiseration seemed to do the trick.

I feel like I kinda hit a wall the last time we spoke. He tells me he's having severe problems with sleeping and recurrent repetitive nightmares. He brought up seeing a therapist. He talked about being exhausted, but in the “I'm still drunk from last night on Wednesday afternoon and didn't bother going to work” way. Both he and I are heavy drinkers, but this behavior is out of character and the language has me concerned.

In the past relating my experiences, coping mechanisms (however flawed), some humor and profanity seemed to work, but the wall is that now he's expressing more specific issues relating to leadership and responsibility, that are simply not in my wheelhouse. In the past, I guess I got around that by discussing it in terms of concepts and universals, generalized survivor guilt etc. I feel like I got caught flat footed this last time. I need my guns loaded for next time you know, or maybe send a similarly experienced combat leader his way.

I'm not even sure if I'm handling this properly. I know that hearing “I'm just exhausted” made the hair on my neck tingle. It's so out of character, but he could just be sick of the military and ready to retire, which has been weighing heavy on him. I could be over reacting. I'm not even sure what I'm asking, I'm just more concerned than I normally would be. I figure there's no harm in asking you guys what you think.
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  #333  
Old 3 May 2019, 19:00
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellerophon View Post
I know that hearing “I'm just exhausted” made the hair on my neck tingle.... I figure there's no harm in asking you guys what you think.
You've been interacting with that person long enough to know what is out of character. A therapist he just met, no matter how good, won't be able to perceive that. Go with your gut.
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  #334  
Old 3 May 2019, 22:41
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Check your PM's
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  #335  
Old 4 May 2019, 07:20
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Checked in on one of our retired brothers yesterday after some things he said set off my spider sense. He is dealing with some shit from a couple deployments and some other stuff common in our community.

Turns out he is OK, few of my other squadron buddies checked in as well.

It's been said before here, know your guys, trust your gut and don't be afraid of offending them by asking if they're OK. They'll thank you later.
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  #336  
Old 11 May 2019, 21:34
Bellerophon Bellerophon is offline
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Thank you

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Thank you.
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  #337  
Old 31 July 2019, 11:03
Armitage12 Armitage12 is offline
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The following email went out to research programs across universities in the United States this week. I'm sharing it as I received it, but I've added the embedded links for you to read should you wish. I thought you all would like to know about this effort if you were not aware of it, or at least of this inquiry coming broadly to universities. I will be discussing it with those parts of the campus that regularly engage veterans. It does not seem that the requested responses are limited to university faculty or academics, so I think that I should encourage everyone here to respond to the RFI should they wish to do so.

----
Dear Colleague:

Executive Order (EO) 13861, the President’s Roadmap to Empower Veterans and End a National Tragedy of Suicide (PREVENTS) was signed March 5, 2019. VA is pleased that this EO effort is led by an inter-agency Cabinet-level Task Force and Dr. Barbara Van Dahlen as the Executive Director. The goal of the Task Force is to create a Roadmap that will reduce suicide by empowering veterans to pursue an improved quality of life, prioritizing research, and establishing collaboration across the public and private sectors.

The Roadmap will utilize a public health approach with the goal of changing the culture of how veteran suicide is approached, discussed and prevented. It will be a comprehensive plan building on existing efforts from each agency and office that is represented on the Task Force. It also intends to reach out across all communities collaborating under this EO.

As part of EO 13861, the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy and the Department of Veterans Affairs are leading the development of a National Research Strategy to improve the coordination, monitoring, benchmarking, and execution of public- and private-sector research related to the factors that contribute to veteran suicide. We have released a Request for Information (RFI) [https://www.research.va.gov/PREVENTS/] to help guide the National Research Strategy.

Through this RFI, we seek input on ways to increase knowledge about factors influencing suicidal behaviors and ways to prevent suicide; inform the development of a robust and forward-looking research agenda; coordinate relevant research efforts across the Nation; and measure progress on these efforts. We also seek to involve the Nation's full research and development ecosystem, and collaborate with state, local, territorial, and tribal governments, as well as community members, industry, non-profit organizations, and academic institutions to ensure that veterans have access to effective suicide prevention services. Our collective efforts begin with the common understanding that suicide is preventable, and that prevention requires ongoing support prior to, and beyond, intervention at the point of crisis. To end veteran suicide, we must develop a holistic understanding of the underlying factors that determine the overall health and well-being of our Nation's veterans.

We are writing to ask for your assistance and support of this EO, specifically by promoting broad responses to the RFI.
[Responses are entered through this link https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PREVENTS-RFI ]
First, as a critical partner, we would greatly appreciate your own response here. Secondly, if possible, please disseminate the RFI through your network by posting the link on your website and social media outlets and sending this RFI to others as widely as possible. If you have questions or other suggestions, please feel free to connect with us via email at rfiresearchresponse@va.gov.

Thank you in advance for everything you do to prevent veteran suicide through your work.

With best regards from the Research co-leads,

Dr. Rachel Ramoni
Chief Research and Development Officer
Department of Veterans Affairs

Ms. Tracie Lattimore
Senior Policy Advisor
Executive Office of the President
Office of Science and Technology Policy
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  #338  
Old 8 October 2019, 21:46
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Lost a brother deputy to suicide Sunday....Had been a Marine combat vet and now a deputy sheriff. He let events overwhelm him......

It hurts sooooo many others with why.
We know the story....marital problems leading to drinking issues which lead to job issues....and it just starts feeding on itself.
This makes 5 in this county alone.
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  #339  
Old 18 October 2019, 12:41
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Lost a brother deputy to suicide Sunday....Had been a Marine combat vet and now a deputy sheriff.
Sincerely sorry for your (and the nation's) loss.
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  #340  
Old 22 October 2019, 15:18
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0230 on Monday my phone rang. I didn't hear it but my wife did.

She woke me up and I looked at the display. It was my former beat partner from when I was in uniform. I immediately knew why he was calling. He had been hospitalized last spring for mental health issues and alcohol. The stress of divorce combined with drinking. Toxic combo for cops, and others.

Basically he is a bad drunk and was getting wrung out by his wife (now ex, who is also a lawyer).

I called him back right away and he was on the line with another former coworker. The local police were called (we all three live in different towns and worked in 4th).

I live one exit down the highway from him so I headed down there just as the medics and police arrived. He was cooperative but angry and drunk.

Basically he was on a substance abuse bender for about 3 weeks.

He was transported to the ED by ambulance. They allowed him to stay in a regular treatment room while I was there but eventually locked him in the mental health crisis unit. I made arrangements for him to be admitted to a program designed for cops/ff/etc. He had been there before.

He's locked in now and hopefully gets squared away.
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