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  #361  
Old 12 January 2020, 13:17
chokeu2's Avatar
chokeu2 chokeu2 is offline
Involuntary Yoga Guy
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,802
I finally read this thread, and I wish I had done it sooner. This isn't seeking sympathy. This is absolutely a case example of someone who'd have avoided a lot of issues by kicking pride and ego in the nads and asking for help.

I'm posting this because I got some clarity from SB and MixedLoad in another thread, and it made me realize a few more things.

I've been in the camp of not raising the snivel flag and being ashamed, and, that's been because so many others have given so much more, that it didn't seem that the demons that gave me a chase were that bad. Regardless, the things that got at me, really almost took me out.

But after finally getting some clarity starting about 3 months ago, simply reaching out can make all the difference. There's one guy on here who was a mentor and a guiding light and I don't think that he realizes it. That would be ole Archangel...

I got jumped by three teens playing the "knock out game" on December 21 2016. They hit me from behind with a stick, and then all three took turns specifically curb stomping me on the left side of my skull. So much so that my left ear was nearly ground off, and was left hanging by a skin thread. My ability to feel physical pain is limited(I have a condition that prevents it), so I could not, or did not describe pain symptoms or anything other to the ER doc. So the TBI went unattended for about 4 or 5 months. After 40 years of martial arts, it's likely that I had previous damage, so this attack was kinda like a grand finale. And my dumb ass didnt' get off the mats or out of the ring, so I made it worse.

Here's what not fucking saying a word and asking for help cost me.
- Marriage
- Relationships
- multi-generational cash and art
- paid for home/cars
- Financial decimation
- Nearly fatal Pneumonia that came out of nowhere, found by my daughter within 2 hours of a forever sleep, with a 10 day ICU stay.
- only 2 lbs of pressure away from suck starting a 1911 at the end of last summer
- Exec role in the premier consulting firm in the world
- Loss of all liquidity a week and a half prior to Christmas 2019
- Med bills through the roof

To make it all awesome, the docs I've been working with, who have forever changed my outlook in a positive sense on mental health professionals have dug up somethings from my childhood that no kid should have had to endure. Things that would have forced most kids to grow up and be nothing but a violent felon; I got lucky because of a Saint for a Grandfather, but I also know what it means to be happy about two dead relatives. Repressed shit is real, and it is dangerous. DO NOT let that kill you. They will if let loose unchecked.

Now I have to start all over financially, emotionally and mentally in 2020. I'm not complaining because these things have all brought gifts of learning, context, wisdom and a new outlook. One that will let give a fresh set of eyes on life in general.

If you're struggling, get your FUCKING ego out of the way and listen to people whom you admire that have their shit together. There is not a thing that you cannot get past and over come.

I'll say this about treatment. In just the past few years there are new modalities to getting help for mental health and head injury issues. Thanks to a particular University, I got treated with a radical treatment that WILL be mainstream in no more than 10 years. And that is treating mental health and brain injuries with Psychedelics. I got treated with Mushrooms (micro-dosing) and Ketamine injects(via IV in a docs office). Within the space of just a few months, physical lesions went away, and the major depression and what the docs were calling "severe" PTSD has been for the most part handled. Every treatment has left me feeling a little bit better, more clear, more rational. The best part, it'll clear your head so that you can start making sense of the shit that lands you in a bad place.

It does not take a lot of effort to get help ya'll. Don't put yourself and more importantly, the people you love through the SHIT that comes with being wrapped around the demons that are getting at you.
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  #362  
Old 12 January 2020, 18:52
Ex-PH Ex-PH is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Japan
Posts: 1,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by chokeu2 View Post
I finally read this thread, and I wish I had done it sooner. This isn't seeking sympathy. This is absolutely a case example of someone who'd have avoided a lot of issues by kicking pride and ego in the nads and asking for help.

I'm posting this because I got some clarity from SB and MixedLoad in another thread, and it made me realize a few more things.

I've been in the camp of not raising the snivel flag and being ashamed, and, that's been because so many others have given so much more, that it didn't seem that the demons that gave me a chase were that bad. Regardless, the things that got at me, really almost took me out.

But after finally getting some clarity starting about 3 months ago, simply reaching out can make all the difference. There's one guy on here who was a mentor and a guiding light and I don't think that he realizes it. That would be ole Archangel...

I got jumped by three teens playing the "knock out game" on December 21 2016. They hit me from behind with a stick, and then all three took turns specifically curb stomping me on the left side of my skull. So much so that my left ear was nearly ground off, and was left hanging by a skin thread. My ability to feel physical pain is limited(I have a condition that prevents it), so I could not, or did not describe pain symptoms or anything other to the ER doc. So the TBI went unattended for about 4 or 5 months. After 40 years of martial arts, it's likely that I had previous damage, so this attack was kinda like a grand finale. And my dumb ass didnt' get off the mats or out of the ring, so I made it worse.

Here's what not fucking saying a word and asking for help cost me.
- Marriage
- Relationships
- multi-generational cash and art
- paid for home/cars
- Financial decimation
- Nearly fatal Pneumonia that came out of nowhere, found by my daughter within 2 hours of a forever sleep, with a 10 day ICU stay.
- only 2 lbs of pressure away from suck starting a 1911 at the end of last summer
- Exec role in the premier consulting firm in the world
- Loss of all liquidity a week and a half prior to Christmas 2019
- Med bills through the roof

To make it all awesome, the docs I've been working with, who have forever changed my outlook in a positive sense on mental health professionals have dug up somethings from my childhood that no kid should have had to endure. Things that would have forced most kids to grow up and be nothing but a violent felon; I got lucky because of a Saint for a Grandfather, but I also know what it means to be happy about two dead relatives. Repressed shit is real, and it is dangerous. DO NOT let that kill you. They will if let loose unchecked.

Now I have to start all over financially, emotionally and mentally in 2020. I'm not complaining because these things have all brought gifts of learning, context, wisdom and a new outlook. One that will let give a fresh set of eyes on life in general.

If you're struggling, get your FUCKING ego out of the way and listen to people whom you admire that have their shit together. There is not a thing that you cannot get past and over come.

I'll say this about treatment. In just the past few years there are new modalities to getting help for mental health and head injury issues. Thanks to a particular University, I got treated with a radical treatment that WILL be mainstream in no more than 10 years. And that is treating mental health and brain injuries with Psychedelics. I got treated with Mushrooms (micro-dosing) and Ketamine injects(via IV in a docs office). Within the space of just a few months, physical lesions went away, and the major depression and what the docs were calling "severe" PTSD has been for the most part handled. Every treatment has left me feeling a little bit better, more clear, more rational. The best part, it'll clear your head so that you can start making sense of the shit that lands you in a bad place.

It does not take a lot of effort to get help ya'll. Don't put yourself and more importantly, the people you love through the SHIT that comes with being wrapped around the demons that are getting at you.
If there's one good thing about hitting bottom, it's that there's only one way to go...up. Keep fighting the good fight.
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  #363  
Old 20 January 2020, 16:34
bobmueller bobmueller is offline
Did...did I do that?
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Green Country, Oklahoma
Posts: 2,072
Quote:
Originally Posted by chokeu2 View Post
I finally read this thread, and I wish I had done it sooner. This isn't seeking sympathy. This is absolutely a case example of someone who'd have avoided a lot of issues by kicking pride and ego in the nads and asking for help.

. . .

It does not take a lot of effort to get help ya'll. Don't put yourself and more importantly, the people you love through the SHIT that comes with being wrapped around the demons that are getting at you.
I saw this the other day, and didn't know how to respond. As I said elsewhere: The first thing I want to say? Congratulations. Seriously. You've survived all of this. That's damned amazing. Be proud of yourself. I mean that sincerely. There are going to be dark days ahead as you work through this crap. Remind yourself that you've strong enough to have survived all of this so far. You're strong enough to keep going.
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