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  #21  
Old 16 March 2006, 00:46
Phil306 Phil306 is offline
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Living in California and just finishing going through a divorce, let me toss another one out there for you to consider:

In California a long term marriage is anything considered over 10 yrs. After 10 yrs, you will pay spousal support, for the rest of her life, unless she remarries. Up to 10 yrs, is half the life of the marriage.

Here is the kicker. You AND her can "reserve" spousal support. That is, if she decides not to take it, for what ever reason, or even if she only gets it for 6 yrs, she can come back, AT ANYTIME in the future, and get more money. That is correct. As USSPA said: If your finances change significantly, in the future, she can come after you again; 10, 15, 20 years down the road.

My best suggestion to you: Get a good, competent attorney. It will be worth every damn penny. Believe me. I lucked out, I didn't have to pay spousal support and I didn't lose a dime of my retirement. I also got spousal support terminated for the future. However, my ex-wife did alot of bullshit, which made her feel "guilty." That was the only way I got it.

Get an attorney...
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  #22  
Old 16 March 2006, 04:53
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I have to respectfully disagree with EX. When a marriage ends, it ALWAYS comes down to money. Unfortunately, it also involves the kids as well, in that each party wants more custody time for more support/money received or paid in support. In California, its probably the worst. Courts do not look at anything except the "ditto master".....you make X amount, she makes X amount, # kids times days of custody, equals X. Then factor in spousal support, and you find yourself eating cup a soups in a rented basement of a house, with a army surplus spoon (yeah, been there).

Having been through 2 divorces, I can tell you from experience that you have to get an attorney early. Even if you go further in debt doing so, it will save you from more debt later on after she hoses you. True story about California....My EX cheated, got pregnant by the doctor (she's a nurse), then went after half my retirement, while I was paying for her prenatal care, for the doctors kid. By Calif. law, I could not take her off my insurance. Bottom line is, once you positively decide to do it, get an attorney, be pre-emptive and go for the jugular. Fight from the offense not defense. BTDT
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  #23  
Old 16 March 2006, 15:36
Phil306 Phil306 is offline
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When I went through my divorce, my best friend told me:

"Phil. It ALL comes down to a business transaction." And damn, was that so ture. The problem with that, is the emotions which are involved. Its difficult for a real person, with real emotions, to go for the "jugular." Believe me, I agree with you, however, it is just difficult.
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  #24  
Old 16 March 2006, 15:57
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Phil, you are right....It sounds easy until emotions are in play. Like Stabler (the snake) of Raiders fame said of play calling...."easy to call, hard to run." My friends all saw it coming and told me so. I felt it in my gut, and went against those feelings, even though these same gut feelings were what kept me alive every day. It was the very last time I ever went/will go against my gut again.
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  #25  
Old 16 March 2006, 21:42
1371SGT 1371SGT is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ex
Sorry to butt into a forum I know nothing about, but I do know about the divorce dance, sorry to say.

Of course everyone's circumstances are different, but at the end of the day, this is a woman that you loved very much at one point and more importantly, she's the mother of your children. The only people that win in these combative divorces are the attorneys. If itís at all possible, my advice would be to try and communicate with her directly. Be the nice, reasonable guy. Even if it costs you a little bit more every month, itíll be worth it to keep a good relationship with her because of the kids. If you can leave the hate and discontent out of the negotiations, everyone wins.
Just my .02. Best of luck.
Ex, I appreciate your thoughts but they aren't helping me any.

I have to take care of myself first, otherwise I end up living in my car eating ramen noodle for the next 14yrs while my bank account gets raped by the ex-wife and her lawyer.

Taking the high-road is all fine and dandy but not at the expense of MY life.






To everyone who contributed positive info, many thanks.

SilverBullet, thanks for trying to get this back in line with the original post.
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  #26  
Old 17 March 2006, 06:06
landshark landshark is offline
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Haven't BTDT with a divorce but most of my friends have. If you are an hourly employee some states only allow the other to go after 40 hours per week. My buddy came over to the sandbox to work as a firefighter and was paid hourly. Obviously he makes the majority of his money in overtime. She was only able to touch 40 hours of it. He's a good dad, just wanted to be able to spend the money on his kids the way he saw fit. He also got the judge to limit the amount of money she could go after him for for extracurricular activities, which were always seemed to be scheduled for the days he had the kids. Fortunately the judge had some common sense and started to see the pattern she was developing and she lost credibility quick.
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