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  #21  
Old 3 February 2019, 22:55
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^^^udderly fascinating
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“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

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  #22  
Old 7 February 2019, 12:41
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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I've been reading a scary novel in Braille. Something bad is going to happen to the main character. I can just feel it.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #23  
Old 7 February 2019, 12:43
Gsniper Gsniper is offline
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Ever notice on the MRE peanut butter it says knead before opening? If I didn't knead it I wouldn't open it.
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  #24  
Old 9 February 2019, 22:08
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You know what a wonder is?

If you stick your finger up your ass and it don't stink...Its a wonder.

Is that a pun or regular joke?
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I don't reckon I got no reason to kill nobody...

Karl Childers
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  #25  
Old 10 February 2019, 21:57
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Is having to many dogs considered a Roverdose?
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“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere."
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  #26  
Old 10 February 2019, 22:09
Ex-PH Ex-PH is offline
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Stolen from another board I frequent:

Reminds me of the nun at the circus. It had been raining and there was a large puddle the nun didn't want to walk through, so a clown offered her a piggyback. As they are crossing the puddle the nun says "This is virgin on the ridiculous".
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  #27  
Old 11 February 2019, 19:53
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I peaked to see if her interest was piqued.
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"Having big muscles and no strength is the training equivalent of wearing a strap-on" JW
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  #28  
Old 22 February 2019, 19:26
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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I'm reading a romance novel in Braille. It's a very touching story.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #29  
Old 22 February 2019, 20:02
Stretch Stretch is offline
The atomic zit
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1RiserSlip View Post
You know what a wonder is?

If you stick your finger up your ass and it don't stink...Its a wonder.

Is that a pun or regular joke?

Would be a never don’t. You can ask the linguisters’ if it counts as punny or just snot...
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  #30  
Old 26 February 2019, 15:17
Oldpogue Oldpogue is offline
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Stole this off social media. What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?
A milk dud.
or
An udder failure.
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  #31  
Old 26 February 2019, 16:45
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BTDT
 
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What do you call a female clone?

I'll let you guys answer it.
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"IF THOU STRIKETH THE KING, STRIKE NOT TO WOUND":
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  #32  
Old 26 February 2019, 23:41
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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Milk is the fastest moving liquid. When you open the jug, before you can even look at the milk inside it's already pasteurized.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #33  
Old 27 February 2019, 14:00
Keganswar Keganswar is offline
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A neutron goes into a bar and asks " how much for a drink" The bartender replies," For you no charge."
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  #34  
Old 27 February 2019, 14:27
Stretch Stretch is offline
The atomic zit
 
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A string goes into the bar to order a drink and the bartender says, we don’t serve strings.

He goes outside, ties himself in a knot, messes up his hair, and returns to the bar to order a drink.

Bartender says, Aren’t you that string I just ran off? The string replies, I’m a frayed knot.
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  #35  
Old 1 March 2019, 09:40
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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What happens when you eat aluminum?

You sheet metal.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #36  
Old 2 March 2019, 00:34
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If you don't pay your exorcist will you be repossessed?
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“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere."
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  #37  
Old 3 March 2019, 07:45
DaveP DaveP is offline
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Don't let your sister date an amateur mycologist.



Questionable morels.
DaveP
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  #38  
Old 3 March 2019, 08:05
hdjohn hdjohn is offline
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Snow White's sister........Egg White
Get the yoke?
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Interstate 78, the best thing to come out of Jersey.........glad I took it......
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  #39  
Old 8 March 2019, 21:18
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
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I gave up autocorrect for Lint.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #40  
Old 8 March 2019, 21:19
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ET1/ss nuke ET1/ss nuke is offline
If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: sc
Posts: 6,189
If you kill a vampire at his home, does that make the place a steak house?
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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