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  #81  
Old 9 January 2018, 02:33
BadKarma BadKarma is offline
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Our squadron got a new skipper who declared that "Spading" would stop immediately. We were the Black Aces, and Spading was being gang tackled, pink bellied, and having the Ace of Spades spray painted on your belly. When we weren't flying, it was normal for raiding parties to hunt fellow squadron members down and spade them. Sometimes we'd even go after other squadrons or ships company. The line division was most well known for this activity but just about everyone had a version.

When the new skipper said "no more" the line crew chief said "fuck that, we ain't stopping, its a tradition" and so we carried on.

Eventually the new skipper paid a visit to the line shop to insist we no longer carried on with this tradition. Well, Line shack/rat rule #1 was ANYONE who came in our area who wasn't a line rat got spaded, so when the new skipper walked in, he got spaded. We never did stop.
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  #82  
Old 9 January 2018, 02:48
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KW Driver KW Driver is offline
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I assume they'd throw a spare. never thought about taking it out in flight. the key is just an igniter lock out if I remember correctly, so it shouldn't be a problem at idle.

and each Company MTP had a set of his birds keys. so the CEs did too. so we all did too... super effective system. FLT Ops is also supposed to ensure I have a legit reason to draw a key. "hey gimmie (insert as many tail numbers as I want)." so long as I signed for them, all good. and that was simply to give a starting place for the witch hunt when the keys aren't there at COB and all birds in bed and FLT Ops wants to go home for the night.

I think the best one I saw was an SGT, 2-shopper getting a fam ride in the pattern in Mosul. told her she needed to pump the pedals to start spinning the blades so the starter wouldn't drag. dude at the tail started spinning the T/R, got it up to a decent speed, cleared, pilot got the clear sign and hit the starter. she believed it for months.

I never intentionally scared anyone. if I wanted to or get 'em puking I just had to do some combat maneuvering flight. most folks aren't a fan of an auto to a hover either. as an IP, I just had to brief SEFs.... PI/PC couldn't do SEFs without an IP. not too many PCs got signed of single pilot with passenger in the left seat. I'm not big on pukers in my bird though... so... they were all inadvertent.

I had one Co Commander who was horrible but not quite there to relief for cause while CONUS. he was a puker. he's out of command and in the 3 shop when he got grounded for it and was in his reconditioning flights with the Squadron (Battalion) SP. SP gave him to me on his last flight due to scheduling. I took him out and did about 50-75% stuff, normal mission profile. he puked day, he puked night. talked to the SP about it after said I was gentle, maybe 75% of normal aggressive maneuvers. that I had a fullproof plan to get him there and I would have bent to bird to DQ him, but didn't have to. that was his last flight with wings.

surefire way to get anyone to puke in a 58 is put them in the left seat, in the sight (head down) have the sight oriented 90 degrees out from direction of flight, start maneuvering and spin their ears while their eyes track differently, and the ass is moving a 3rd way. tell them to look up outside with urgency and start a pitchback turn. instant, overwhelming corriorlis effect with a spew. learned that one when I did it to myself in the left seat. managed to eat the first shot and kept the rest down.
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  #83  
Old 9 January 2018, 02:53
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Linda1961 Linda1961 is offline
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I grew up with a friend since we were 5 years old. He eventually became a SEAL and shall remain nameless. He knows who he is. He tricked the crap out of me all the time.

“Check my pocket & get the money & we’ll go to the store for candy.” I stick my hand in to find a dead snake. Snakes freak me the hell out.

Grabbed me one evening at dusk and shoved me under one of those plastic swimming pools turned upside down. It was filled with frogs. Prank failed because I caught frogs all the time. After a few minutes with no reaction from me he picked up the pool. I jumped up and kicked him in the nuts.

My best prank on him was when we had just turned into teens. He & his friends made a big to do about going to a swimming hole and no girls were allowed. I climbed out of a 2nd story window & jumped to a tree branch and shimmyed on down & followed them.

When they shucked their clothes to go swimming I quietly collected all their clothes & hid them & hustled back to the house & went back up the tree & once they eventually made it back home EXTREMELY mad yelling for me I was innocently sitting in the room reading. They were told in no uncertain terms to settle down because there was no way I got out of the house so someone else did it to them.

He always knew it was me. It took them a while covering their teeny weenies with their hands to skulk naked as jaybirds all the way back to the house without being seen.

I once got my mother big time. My dad had to go out of town for business one weekend. My brother spent the night st a friend’s house so it was just me, my sister & mom.

We watched scary movies & one was Kolchak the Night Stalker about the vampire and it really creeped out my mom.

After the show she kept thinking she heard things. My sister & I shared a room with a very creaky door. When we went to bed I snuck out of our bedroom before the door closed & hid in my brother’s room. Then while my mom took a bath I snuck into her room and hid on the floor on my dad’s side of the bed.

After her soak she came into her room and climbed into bed naked. I didn’t know she hadn’t put on her gown so once she got settled I slipped up very slowly under the covers and grabbed her arm. She started screaming like a banshee. Jumped out of bed and went running down the hall straight to the back door with me right behind her. Then I realized she was naked and I tried to catch her before she got to the back door but she got there first and out she went screeching her lungs out. I caught her in the driveway thankfully before any neighbors came out and saw her.

Man was she pissed off and I got my ass in trouble big time. Then I said, “But mama if you thought a bad guy was in the house that means you ran out and left us your daughters all alone and defenseless.” She said she pitied the dumbass who tried to mess with us then she got screechy again when she saw I was still laughing & grabbed a broom and smacked the ever loving shit out of me. I laughed my ass off all the way to my bedroom. The next day she grounded me.

When my dad got back she told him what I’d done then was talking about how to punish me more but my dad was too busy laughing his ass off. That just made her madder.

We pranked each other all the time.
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  #84  
Old 9 January 2018, 03:09
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KW Driver KW Driver is offline
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one of the better karmic pranks I heard of was at Polk.

SF OC takes a Aviation OC somewhere on the back of a quad. SF dude has nods, pilot doesn't. SF dude runs wide open across half of Polk bouncing the pilot through creeks and dips and terrain, and bouncing the pilot off every tree branch and briar/shrub he can find. end of the ride the pilot's a bit upset and asked the SF what that was all about.

"that's for every hotdoging, showboating, scare 'em and make them puke ride every pilot ever took a ground guy on."
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  #85  
Old 9 January 2018, 03:38
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hawkdrver hawkdrver is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KW Driver View Post
I never intentionally scared anyone.
Yeah, me either. I may have unintentionally once or twice.

I'll have to remember the pedal one. One I have seen done, in jets, is the manual airspeed calibration test. "The machine's busted again." "Nope, nothing yet, you gotta blow harder."

Ensure pitot heat OFF.

Never intentionally got anyone sick, either, probably for the same reasons, but all we had to put them on NVGs in a side facing seat and run a couple laps in a dogbone gun pattern. 100%.

eta:
Quote:
Originally Posted by KW Driver View Post
"that's for every hotdoging, showboating, scare 'em and make them puke ride every pilot ever took a ground guy on."
LOL. Outstanding.

Last edited by hawkdrver; 9 January 2018 at 03:46.
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  #86  
Old 9 January 2018, 04:03
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KW Driver KW Driver is offline
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the best puke story I ever heard was in Iraq, summer. the other IP was a sympathetic puker. easily. we could make him wretch by talking about it. LT in his left seat had strawberry milk then they flew. LT pukes, and into the IPs mouth. he kept his down til he could get them on the ground. I jokingly started an impact AM that the CO CDR shitcanned.
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  #87  
Old 9 January 2018, 04:39
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KW Driver KW Driver is offline
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and there was always some kinda shenanigans with new pilot intros to the unit. have a CE or Warrant dress up as the CDR and act like an idiot lunatic on the welcome to the unit office speech while the the real CDR acts like a fucked up, bad attitude E-4, so they think they walked into a lunatic asylum. as the IPs act like the welcoming straight man and continue to set them up. let that go for a few hours/day then drop the game.

the new guys at 10 months into a 15 month rotation in Iraq might have been the best one I've seen.
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  #88  
Old 9 January 2018, 05:18
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hawkdrver hawkdrver is offline
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Originally Posted by KW Driver View Post
have a CE or Warrant dress up as the CDR and act like an idiot lunatic on the welcome to the unit office speech
I had forgotten about this one until you said that.

We had a young E-4 gunner put on an O-5 patrol cap and go out to meet an individual augmentee pilot, captain type, coming from Lakenheath or somewhere, just off the rotator in Bagram. The gunner was about 23 and looked it, but he played it so perfectly I wish I'd had a video camera.

"Welcome aboard son, let me help you with those bags." Picks up the guy's helmet bag and walks off, leaving him standing there with his other 200 pounds of crap. The poor guy finally makes it over to ops and the gunner says, "about time, all right, hit the books and let's get those tests done, you're on the schedule at 2200." Etc, etc. The captain's jaw is on the floor but he's like...ok? We let it go for about another half hour before we finally couldn't stand it anymore. He was a better sport than I probably would have been right off the rotator.

Punch line, we're at recurrent sim academics like 5 years later, 3 crews from 3 different bases in the classroom and someone starts telling the story. He gets about 30 seconds into it and a guy across the room yells "That was ME you fuckers!"

Pretty sure he didn't pay for any beer on the rest of that trip.

Last edited by hawkdrver; 9 January 2018 at 05:27.
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  #89  
Old 9 January 2018, 08:10
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GPC GPC is offline
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Left a upperdecker for a wife beating former Army buddy. Was helping his wife move out while he was doped up somewhere. Short sheeted him also.
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  #90  
Old 9 January 2018, 08:22
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RedDawg_03 RedDawg_03 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda1961 View Post
I grew up with a friend since we were 5 years old. He eventually became a SEAL and shall remain nameless. He knows who he is. He tricked the crap out of me all the time.

“Check my pocket & get the money & we’ll go to the store for candy.” I stick my hand in to find a dead snake. Snakes freak me the hell out.

Grabbed me one evening at dusk and shoved me under one of those plastic swimming pools turned upside down. It was filled with frogs. Prank failed because I caught frogs all the time. After a few minutes with no reaction from me he picked up the pool. I jumped up and kicked him in the nuts.

My best prank on him was when we had just turned into teens. He & his friends made a big to do about going to a swimming hole and no girls were allowed. I climbed out of a 2nd story window & jumped to a tree branch and shimmyed on down & followed them.

When they shucked their clothes to go swimming I quietly collected all their clothes & hid them & hustled back to the house & went back up the tree & once they eventually made it back home EXTREMELY mad yelling for me I was innocently sitting in the room reading. They were told in no uncertain terms to settle down because there was no way I got out of the house so someone else did it to them.

He always knew it was me. It took them a while covering their teeny weenies with their hands to skulk naked as jaybirds all the way back to the house without being seen.

I once got my mother big time. My dad had to go out of town for business one weekend. My brother spent the night st a friend’s house so it was just me, my sister & mom.

We watched scary movies & one was Kolchak the Night Stalker about the vampire and it really creeped out my mom.

After the show she kept thinking she heard things. My sister & I shared a room with a very creaky door. When we went to bed I snuck out of our bedroom before the door closed & hid in my brother’s room. Then while my mom took a bath I snuck into her room and hid on the floor on my dad’s side of the bed.

After her soak she came into her room and climbed into bed naked. I didn’t know she hadn’t put on her gown so once she got settled I slipped up very slowly under the covers and grabbed her arm. She started screaming like a banshee. Jumped out of bed and went running down the hall straight to the back door with me right behind her. Then I realized she was naked and I tried to catch her before she got to the back door but she got there first and out she went screeching her lungs out. I caught her in the driveway thankfully before any neighbors came out and saw her.

Man was she pissed off and I got my ass in trouble big time. Then I said, “But mama if you thought a bad guy was in the house that means you ran out and left us your daughters all alone and defenseless.” She said she pitied the dumbass who tried to mess with us then she got screechy again when she saw I was still laughing & grabbed a broom and smacked the ever loving shit out of me. I laughed my ass off all the way to my bedroom. The next day she grounded me.

When my dad got back she told him what I’d done then was talking about how to punish me more but my dad was too busy laughing his ass off. That just made her madder.

We pranked each other all the time.
Hilarious. Loved Kolchak The Night Stalker. Used to sneak out of bed and come down the hallway and sit behind the chair in the living room to watch it while my mom had it on......Great times!
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  #91  
Old 9 January 2018, 11:39
DiveBoss DiveBoss is offline
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Less "practical joke" than metered justice or accelerated karmic balloon payment.

My sister had three roommates in a house near campus when she was in college. They were all friends from high-school and were pretty close knit as a group (gang).

One of them came back from a date-gone-bad with a notorious rich kid having been beat up when she wouldn't put out on the schedule in their relationship that he had decided.

He had a very recently acquired Porsche that had made him the talk of the school. According to my sis, he was the stereotype fratboy douchebag. Some kind of prettyboy athlete that considered himself on a different set of rules in life than everyone else.

Anyway, so this girl comes home after taking whatever abuse it was and her friends decide to retaliate. They found the car when it was parked out in the open somewhere and could be snuck up on.

As I understand it they took butter knives and pulled back the rubber squeegy seal on the door at the base of the side windows and inserted the plastic dispenser 'straws' and emptied two cans of insulating spray foam in each door.

When they were done she said you couldn't see any trace of the foam from outside.

The insurance company declared the car "totalled".
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  #92  
Old 9 January 2018, 11:44
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RedDawg_03 RedDawg_03 is offline
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Your sister was in a GANG?
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  #93  
Old 9 January 2018, 11:51
Ruffneck_Bohica Ruffneck_Bohica is offline
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New Private comes to the unit. We find out he like to dance (Latin style). So we tell him that one of our Specialists has a sister who loves to salsa dance and such, now the Specialist is in on this, so we get him convinced to go and ask the Specialist if he could take is sister out dancing some time. So the poor kid goes up all timid and asks. The Specialist responds with anger and outrage and informs the kid that his sister is a paraplegic and wheelchair bound. Needless to say the kid feels like crap, we get a good laugh, and then we let him know it was a joke. Problem was that he wouldn't believe us. It wasn't until we had a company Christmas party later that year when the young private met the specialist's sister did he finally believe us.
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  #94  
Old 9 January 2018, 12:39
DiveBoss DiveBoss is offline
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"Your sister was in a GANG?"

Well more than likely. My sister was pretty "sporting" in her younger years. A robust and healthy zest for living in that one.

She's stable and happily settled now, but there was a solid stretch of her life where she was a collector of penises with wallets attached.

It was an eye rolling joke when she brought yet another guy to meet the family. Some nice enough guy would show up driving a nice car and wearing nice threads, clearly successful. He would invariably try to chum up to the five brothers and think he was getting in good with the family. We learned early on that we would only ever see him that one time. There would be another one next time.
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  #95  
Old 9 January 2018, 13:13
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bobofthedesert bobofthedesert is offline
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"The Keys to the Grunewald"

New PV1 is told by the CQ to go up to Battalion and get the keys to the Grunewald, (since the Company will be trainng out there the next day) which is a very large forest inside West Berlin. No keys/gate of course. Usually the SDNCO sets the kid right, ha-ha, end of story. This time the Btn SDNCO gets a call from CQ advising him to play along. He tells PV1 that the keys are over at 2/6. PV1 departs, phone call is made. 2/6 SDNCO tells him no, they are down at BB (Berlin Brigade) HQ. "How do I get there?" No problem, you ride the buses/U-Bahn system free when in uniform. PV1 shows up at BBHQ. Phone call has of course been made. "We don't have them, they are up at the Base Commander's Office at Tempelhof". PV1 arrives there after another long bus/U-Bahn ride. They of course have NFC what he's talking about. It's now 1am or so, they tell him the Base Commander is in early so he should wait. Air Force full bird shows up at 0600-ish to find an Army PV1 sleeping in a chair outside his office.

That was the last time for that one.
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  #96  
Old 9 January 2018, 13:14
DirtyDog0311 DirtyDog0311 is offline
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Around 1995 or so, my younger brother and I were in the back 9 acres of our land one day and found an animal bone (probably a deer or something). For some reason I decided that my latest scam/horror session was about to begin. For reference, I was in Junior high at the time and he was in elementary school and he had not yet learned how to tell when I was tricking him.

Anyway, I look at the bone and said "oh no, it looks like it's back......". Naturally baby bro wondered what I meant so I concocted this story about a creature known as "the Bog Monster" (I got it from a Calvin and Hobbes comic) that eats little kids. For dramatic effect I picked up the bone and placed it next to his thigh and said "see, this kid was probably about your age". And for about 30 minutes I bullshitted him about how this thing was supposedly running loose a few years back and they never caught it ---- even talking about how "they even tried to kill it with a big bomb a few years back and it escaped", referencing a pipeline explosion in the local area that actually did occur.

I basically summed it up by saying how it would wait for nighttime and snatch kids in their sleep by using it's claws to cut through window glass quietly. Devouring them and such. I saw the look in his face that he believed it and was nervous.

Well, that night I decided to be a little shit and take it a step further. So, I dunno if any of you people remember something called "My Pet Monster", but it was a toy that was around back in the day. Well, they made a sort of glove or something for kids that looked like a monster claw, with plastic nails and whatever, from that thing and I put it on and snuck out my window and crept up to the window that was right outside my brother's bed.

I did a slow scratch scratch scratch on the window screen for a few minutes and eventually the sound of pure primordial terror and high pitched screams erupted from that room that sounded like straight nightmare fuel is something that I'll never forget. I almost pissed myself with laughter. God it was great.

Unfortunately, my plan didn't work so well after that because before I could make it back to my room through my window I forgot that the damn alarm system shows open window/door statuses on the control panel. My dad bursts in through my door in his tightey-whiteys brandishing a .45 in time to see my dumbass in the process of trying to cover up my crime. After my legendary ass-beating I had to go into my brother's room and prove to him it was all a joke and there was no such thing as "the Bog Monster" because he was an inconsolable fucking wreck that was basically babbling in the fetal position to mom about 'It's gonna get me! Don't leave me alone mom! It's gonna get me! It's here!". His red, tear-streaked face was priceless. Hell, I had to actually show him the claw-glove because he was so fucking out of his mind with terror he didn't believe me because "I saw it's hand!!!".

Although we laugh about it now, my old man still gets disapproving look on his face when we retell the story. Still hilarious as shit though.
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Old 9 January 2018, 15:19
Forestboy Forestboy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DirtyDog0311 View Post
Around 1995 or so, my younger brother and I were in the back 9 acres of our land one day and found an animal bone (probably a deer or something). For some reason I decided that my latest scam/horror session was about to begin. For reference, I was in Junior high at the time and he was in elementary school and he had not yet learned how to tell when I was tricking him.

Anyway, I look at the bone and said "oh no, it looks like it's back......". Naturally baby bro wondered what I meant so I concocted this story about a creature known as "the Bog Monster" (I got it from a Calvin and Hobbes comic) that eats little kids. For dramatic effect I picked up the bone and placed it next to his thigh and said "see, this kid was probably about your age". And for about 30 minutes I bullshitted him about how this thing was supposedly running loose a few years back and they never caught it ---- even talking about how "they even tried to kill it with a big bomb a few years back and it escaped", referencing a pipeline explosion in the local area that actually did occur.

I basically summed it up by saying how it would wait for nighttime and snatch kids in their sleep by using it's claws to cut through window glass quietly. Devouring them and such. I saw the look in his face that he believed it and was nervous.

Well, that night I decided to be a little shit and take it a step further. So, I dunno if any of you people remember something called "My Pet Monster", but it was a toy that was around back in the day. Well, they made a sort of glove or something for kids that looked like a monster claw, with plastic nails and whatever, from that thing and I put it on and snuck out my window and crept up to the window that was right outside my brother's bed.

I did a slow scratch scratch scratch on the window screen for a few minutes and eventually the sound of pure primordial terror and high pitched screams erupted from that room that sounded like straight nightmare fuel is something that I'll never forget. I almost pissed myself with laughter. God it was great.

Unfortunately, my plan didn't work so well after that because before I could make it back to my room through my window I forgot that the damn alarm system shows open window/door statuses on the control panel. My dad bursts in through my door in his tightey-whiteys brandishing a .45 in time to see my dumbass in the process of trying to cover up my crime. After my legendary ass-beating I had to go into my brother's room and prove to him it was all a joke and there was no such thing as "the Bog Monster" because he was an inconsolable fucking wreck that was basically babbling in the fetal position to mom about 'It's gonna get me! Don't leave me alone mom! It's gonna get me! It's here!". His red, tear-streaked face was priceless. Hell, I had to actually show him the claw-glove because he was so fucking out of his mind with terror he didn't believe me because "I saw it's hand!!!".

Although we laugh about it now, my old man still gets disapproving look on his face when we retell the story. Still hilarious as shit though.

You Sir, are an asshole of epic proportions.


PS: It takes one to know one.
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  #98  
Old 9 January 2018, 16:12
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Originally Posted by KW Driver View Post
the best puke story I ever heard ...
Growing up in Alaska I had flown in fixed-wings all my life, never got airsick. Even doing aerobatics or (worse) doing a grid search as a backseater.

Fast forward 20 years... to a winter helicopter tour ride at the Grand Canyon. They shoe-horn us into the backseats, in our heavy winter coats, and we belt in.

"WELCOME ABOARD"... and he switches to Bethovan's 5th or some shit over the intercom, as the ground disappears below us into the depths of the Grand Canyon.

Awesome, except...

The pilot had warmed the back-cabin to about 80degrees, and forgot to give us any ventilation. So, we're locked in +80degF 3-people-wide in heavy coats, all of us suffering to the sound of bethovan's 5th. The rear headsets must have been wired for "listen only" (to music), so I start beating on the "execucopter" limo-divider plexiglass between the cabins as all three of us backseaters are turning green from sauna-to-cold-sweats as we fight off nausea with loud Bethovan blasting in our ears.

He was busy flirting with the cute gal who got the co-pilot's seat. But he finally heard me beating on the glass, and with the flip-of-a-switch gave us fresh air in back...just in time to avoid a tripple-person-spew that would have filled that glass-elevator back cabin.

But, there is just something VERY different about Helos!

We did often use "creative heater" to put drunk/obnoxious frends to "sleep" on the way home from Chilkoot Charlie's (shameless Alaska plug) or whatever strip bar.

...

Last edited by Tycon; 9 January 2018 at 16:40.
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  #99  
Old 9 January 2018, 17:29
Michael A. Michael A. is offline
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A former boss of mine told the story of how he was pranked. He was a relative new CO of an Air. Cav. Sqd. in the 101st at the time. He received a call from the Div. CG’s office to come personally and collect Pvt. Nun-Nuts a newly assigned member of his organization. Apparently CWO TDYNAMETAG had sent the Pvt. to the General’s office to pick up a box of Grid Squares.
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Old 9 January 2018, 18:18
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wildman43 wildman43 is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: california
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Dang reading all of the postings, This goes back a long time when 7th Inf was still at FT OR Ca. I was down at camp Roberts, CA doing some training The MP's were A.O. all ways stopping, someone, One night several of us were in the NCO club. When we came out there was a MP vehicle an it had two (2) cases of cold Beer in it an no one around we got out jeep started, still no one around. One of the guys jumped out just as we started to leave an stated I forgot something. In a flash he was back with the Beer. We drove about two blocks before we turned on our vehicles lights on. Best Beer we had ever tasted.
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