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Old 15 December 2019, 01:17
Copecwby20 Copecwby20 is offline
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Any advice appreciated

My girlfriend and I are raising an 18 year old female who was a victim of “forcible sodomy” from a parental figure when she was 7. He is being released from prison on the 9th of January and she
(The victim) is really freaking out.

I would like to get her into a class where she can learn how to handle herself and not be so scared. Any advice in the Stafford/Fredricksburg area?
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Old 15 December 2019, 01:31
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First thought is Jiu Jitsu. It will get her used to people, men and women, putting her in uncomfortable positions. This may trigger some things, but will no doubt also teach her how to handle herself against larger attackers. Godspeed.

Jiu Jitsu in Fredericksburg:
-https://graciejiujitsufredericksburg.com/
-https://graciebarra.com/stafford-va/
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Old 15 December 2019, 08:17
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Considering the upcoming release, I would think that a typical Martial Art would not be enough in that time.

I'm partial to ISR Matrix as it doesn't require years of lessons to become very proficient at it. For the "civilian" version, you could send her on a 3-4 day course where it is available, giving her the basic capability, (which is very good in itself), prior to putting her in a regular Martial Art that takes years to become capable at.

Good luck.
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Old 15 December 2019, 09:22
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I teach martial arts. But, in her case learning a traditional martial arts takes time. Instead contact a martial arts instructor who would be open to several private or short sessions where she learn later more of the “martial” aspect rather than the “art” aspect. Several lessons on some basic aggressive moves and learning situational awareness.

As have said before, learning to fight - deploying your fighting skills whether it be unarmed combat, knife, asp, pepper spray or firearm is reactionary. Meaning an attack as already started and you are already on the losing end. Best to deter an attack. Of course this means situational awareness. But one thing that definitely works - a big dog. Think German Shepard, Rottweiler, Euro Boxer, Doberman, etc. Dogs will protect, alert and deter.

There is smoking hot, Tier One model type, I frequently see jogging in the park I go to - she has a wolfhound. There is not any man coming within 25 meters of her.
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Old 15 December 2019, 09:27
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I assume also her offender is a registered sex offender. And is there a retraining type order forcing him to stay away? May not help of course, but at least may give her peace of mind and knowing that if he does approach her she has legal actions/can report to the police, etc.

Terrible that she had to go through this. Any adult who rapes a 7 year old should never be released back into the public.
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Old 15 December 2019, 11:16
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Gun classes
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Old 15 December 2019, 11:54
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Copecwby20 View Post
My girlfriend and I are raising an 18 year old female who was a victim of “forcible sodomy” from a parental figure when she was 7. He is being released from prison on the 9th of January and she
(The victim) is really freaking out.

I would like to get her into a class where she can learn how to handle herself and not be so scared. Any advice in the Stafford/Fredricksburg area?
18 y/o are adults.

Have you sat her down and asked what it is she feels like she needs to do? Do a full assessment.

Maybe she'd feel more comfortable to go stay with Old Aunt Sally or some such.

Martial Arts are great and all, but this is about one lone asshole pedo abuser. Perhaps local John Law would have some suggestions?

Her greatest asset is her smarts. Make sure those are turned on in the right way.
SA is king.
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Old 15 December 2019, 11:55
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Originally Posted by CAP MARINE View Post
Gun classes
Based on her location and age might be difficult to own and carry a firearm. So even with extensive training may not be a viable option. But if cannot carry, a decent 20 gauge may act a good home defense gun, with some good training of course.
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Old 15 December 2019, 13:10
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This has the potential to be a very good thread!
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Old 15 December 2019, 13:43
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Where’s the asshole incarcerated at?
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Old 15 December 2019, 13:50
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Long term - martial arts/self defense classes.
Short term - she needs to own a firearm and learn how to use it.

Restraining order - this is case by case decision of the victim. As this perp is already convicted for this type of behavior - an RO probably won't have any tangible protective value. However, it does allow a trail for LE to track when violations occur. What I don't know is if an RO is actually applicable for its intended purpose given someone already convicted... assume this individual will be on probation...?

She should also read the book "The Gift of Fear."
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Old 15 December 2019, 13:52
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Before you arrange for any type of training -- whether it's firearms or martial arts related -- if would do some digging and see if she is mentally capable of doing what she would have to in the event she has a physical altercation with the thug. If she isn't ready mentally...nothing physically will matter.
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Old 15 December 2019, 14:39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mars View Post
Before you arrange for any type of training -- whether it's firearms or martial arts related -- if would do some digging and see if she is mentally capable of doing what she would have to in the event she has a physical altercation with the thug. If she isn't ready mentally...nothing physically will matter.
Excellent point.
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Old 15 December 2019, 16:22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mars View Post
Before you arrange for any type of training -- whether it's firearms or martial arts related -- if would do some digging and see if she is mentally capable of doing what she would have to in the event she has a physical altercation with the thug. If she isn't ready mentally...nothing physically will matter.
Another reason I stress a Doberman or German Shepard as a companion. Not only a good deterrent, good companion and Not only will she sleep better, but the dog is already wired and willing to protect if the need arises.


Train a young lady in some self defense skills, including firearms - but if she was my loved one I would sleep better as well knowing she had a big dog with her, rather than just Mr Glock or a Black Belt.
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Old 15 December 2019, 17:01
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LP offers great advice as usual. Take the 18 year old with you to the local/county PD/SD and introduce her to the guys/gals that handle your particular neighborhood. Do this during day and night shift. Ask who handles your neighborhood. Explain to them the situation and who the individual being released is including case details, documentation and any personal identifiers of the convicted felon. It is highly likely they will take an interest.
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Old 15 December 2019, 17:44
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One more thing to add, this threat only goes away after this individuals death. Train everything, this is currently a long term threat. Outstanding advise has been offered, it may require a complete lifestyle change to become confident. Thank goodness you have all the competent trainers here to guide her path. Best wishes.

Respectfully,

Bob
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Old 15 December 2019, 18:04
Copecwby20 Copecwby20 is offline
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Thanks for the advice. This is a very foreign territory for me but it’s something her mom has been dreading. We don’t know how to address it but our biggest priority is giving Mallory the confidence to not live in fear. There is a no contact order in place but she feels this overwhelming sense that he’s coming for her. We are trying to find ways to build her confidence.

I know he won’t get near her without being hemmed up. I just want to find a way to teach her to live without fear. If that makes sense.
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Old 15 December 2019, 18:18
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Is she into working out? Believe it or not, physical fitness is one of the biggest confidence boosters there are. With increased strength comes increased confidence. That would be a great place to start.
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  #19  
Old 15 December 2019, 19:27
Copecwby20 Copecwby20 is offline
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Originally Posted by 1RiserSlip View Post
Where’s the asshole incarcerated at?
His name is Christopher Allen Burgess and he is locked up in Richmond somewhere for now.
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Old 15 December 2019, 22:16
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If she is employed have her meet with her employer and explain the situation so they can be on the lookout for him there. Make sure she has co-workers take her to her car and check the front and back seat then watch her drive away. Make sure she locks her car doors while driving and if her spidey senses go off she needs to pull over in a public place and call 911. It's better to be safe than sorry, we have spidey senses for a reason. She should carry pepper spray on her person and have a can in her car she can easily reach. As others have said SA is a very key component to staying safe, her head should always be on a swivel. Communication would be something else to stress, have her call when she leaves work, gets to work, or anything else that would put your mind at ease she is ok. If she has a phone that has location services (which most do these days) have her tun that on so you know her location (or at least the phones location at all times. If she should get in a situation (god forbid) where she is taken and has her phone on her this would be handy to have access to. And I echo the thoughts of those here who think this person should never enter society again. Good luck and keep safe.
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