SOCNET

Go Back   SOCNET: The Special Operations Community Network > General Topics > The Lounge

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 29 March 2020, 08:18
Steve40th Steve40th is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 1,911
Funeral and Wills for your family prep.

Hey, I thought I would bring up a rather difficult topic most dont want to talk about.
Funerals, specifically our own.
For the most part we all have wills, possibly even updated to cover specific things that have changed over time. Homes, guns (ATF registered), vehicles etc.
But, I dont think we really prepare our loved ones to ensure our funerals are easily done in a time of high stress and depression.
So, I am reaching out to see who has some great guidelines, or experience in preparing for your own funeral.
My recent Stent, at age 52, really opened my eyes to how ill prepared I am..
Thoughts..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 29 March 2020, 08:27
Stopp700's Avatar
Stopp700 Stopp700 is online now
Been There Done That
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Northeast
Posts: 2,411
For most of us we will want a Military Funeral. Make sure that your DD form 214 and NGB 23 (for NG Soldiers) are easily found by your family. For most State Cemetaries you can "pre-register" for you "spot", it could be for a cremation or for a full body internment. You can do this online for most cemetaries. Your family must request Military Honors. For some of us who have served in more than one Service leave in you final wishes what Service you want to conduct the Honors. I can answer any questions concerning this subject.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 29 March 2020, 08:32
Steve40th Steve40th is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 1,911
Interesting about the different branches. My Dad was in 3. Retired Army..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 29 March 2020, 08:41
osubuckeye762 osubuckeye762 is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Fort Yates/Bismarck ND
Posts: 535
I had a will drawn up before I left for Afghanistan in 2014, I just don't know where I want to be buried. I know for certain it is not here in NC but I have not made any arrangements or plans for the funeral itself.

I know I want to be cremated and I think I want my ashes scattered at Deer Creek State Park at the spillway and the gun range where I spent the best days of my life growing up with friends and family.

Last fall my mom and dad had their wills updated and also planned and paid for their funerals and burials. They also said they got a great bbq dinner out of it.

I knew my father wanted to be cremated but when they chose the burial at sea option it blew my mind especially due to the fact that we are an Army family dating back to Pre-WW2.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 29 March 2020, 08:52
Gsniper Gsniper is offline
Shakin' the bush Boss
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 8,892
To add, I had a brother die last year, no wife, no kids, named me as the executor. His planning and directions were quite insufficient. Do your loved ones a favor and don't force them into doing what they "think" you want. It's not morbid to save your family from making difficult decisions in the absence minimal or no guidance from you. I'm 53 and healthy and my wife knows exactly what I want done and it's in writing and appropriately stored and recorded. A couple of hours of your time can save your wife or kids or whoever a load of stress.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 29 March 2020, 08:52
Steve40th Steve40th is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 1,911
We had a SubVet buried at sea recently. My FIL had a chart made up showing how to get there and gps plot. He was a former Quartermaster Submariner. It was real nice..
I guess Army guys wanted to be cremated and ashes spread out could have some sort of land map showing where you are.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 29 March 2020, 09:18
Expatmedic's Avatar
Expatmedic Expatmedic is offline
Anesthetized User
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In A Wuhan Bat Market
Posts: 4,047
I know I need a will, I just don't know where to start.

Do I need an attorney?

Do I need a Notary Public?

Can I create a will using an online template?

Is there any language I should write into the will if I want to ensure no one contests the will?
__________________
Support SOCNET.

It don't come easy.--Ringo Starr

Equality is no measure of success.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 29 March 2020, 09:21
Steve40th Steve40th is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 1,911
Military and retirees can use base legal for Wills. Not sure about Veterans.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 29 March 2020, 09:25
AKAPete AKAPete is offline
Been There Done That
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Fayetteville, NC
Posts: 1,954
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve40th View Post
Military and retirees can use base legal for Wills. Not sure about Veterans.
Did that the last time they had a retiree day out at Ft Bragg. Had different stations set up inside Womack - one of which was legal services.

Got my shots also.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 29 March 2020, 09:43
KimberChick's Avatar
KimberChick KimberChick is offline
Back on The Farm
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve40th View Post
Military and retirees can use base legal for Wills. Not sure about Veterans.
Check with the local VA. I am pretty sure they offered services for that to me on my first visit.
__________________
"I heard you've been talking shit, you tab-less bitch." - KS11

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." Gen. Mattis

"Definition of insanity: Letting the government dictate what the Amendment designed to control the government - means." - Polypro

"The rules only apply when something is going wrong." -Me

"When are you gonna come down?
When are you going to land?
I should have stayed on the farm
I should have listened to my old man" Elton John
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 29 March 2020, 10:06
Gray Rhyno's Avatar
Gray Rhyno Gray Rhyno is offline
Authorized Personnel
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: NoVa
Posts: 10,967
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gsniper View Post
I'm 53 and healthy and my wife knows exactly what I want done and it's in writing and appropriately stored and recorded.
I sent my wife a text a while back with what I want written on my tombstone; does that count?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve40th View Post
Military and retirees can use base legal for Wills. Not sure about Veterans.
It can take a while if you're relying on base legal, as they have a finite amount of time and are truly focused on the legal needs of the AD force. You should be able to have a lawyer do them for $250-$500 depending on the difficulty of the situation.

One thing to consider is to have a lawyer be your executor vice a friend or family member. Our lawyer is our executor and gets a % of the estate up to the first $100,000. He works for the estate (and his fee of course) and won't get wrapped up in all the "you're stealing mom's money" or "dad loved me more than you" crap. I am not a fan of having a family member as the executor of my estate as I've seen it go south way too often.
__________________
"The most HSLD stuff ever taught was the basics. So-called 'advanced training' is often no more than the very fluid and expert application of those basic skills." - SOTB
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 29 March 2020, 13:23
schibbs schibbs is offline
been ***** **** that
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,515
I am glad this subject came up here. I have been pondering this quite often this year. I have no heirs , spouse, etc. I am in the process of making anyone of my siblings (all younger) capable of taking care of my "stuff". I have only tools , camping, hunting and fishing gear to take care of. My ex got my property and house, not to mention pert near my entire life savings many years ago, so no need to worry about that! Ha! What a relief! Hangin tough for now!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 29 March 2020, 13:38
bobmueller bobmueller is offline
Did...did I do that?
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Green Country, Oklahoma
Posts: 2,217
Remember that putting your funeral arrangements in your will almost guarantees no one will see them in time. Your will doesn't get read until after you're in the ground.

I've got a folder on my DropBox account called "Important Stuff," and in that folder I've got a doc called "Stuff You Need To Know." The first page of that is all about what I want and don't want for the funeral and burial: Funeral homes, disposition, Service Notes, Music suggestions, Obituary Notes, how and who to contact personally.

It's also got things like passwords and guidance for my professional web domain, places to announce my death (web forums and so forth), guidance about my genealogy website, and things like that.
I'm still working on setting up a literary trust so the kids can have income from my books even after I'm dead.

The rest of the estate is already in a testamentary trust; all the kids have to do if the wife and I die together is call an 800 number.

I'd also encourage everyone to have a conversation with their family about end-of-life care. There's a longer post on my blog about that topic if anyone's interested. The link is in my profile.
__________________
This message is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 29 March 2020, 19:36
Jakers Jakers is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 558
Quote:
Originally Posted by Expatmedic View Post
I know I need a will, I just don't know where to start.

Do I need an attorney?

Do I need a Notary Public?

Can I create a will using an online template?

Is there any language I should write into the will if I want to ensure no one contests the will?
I dealt with being the Personal Representative for my mom's estate when she died 2 year ago (same as an executor).

First off- do not try and write a will on your own. Even if everything will be left to one person and nobody will be around to contest it, pay the money and have a lawyer who knows what they're doing write it up. This is one of those times that even small discrepencies or mistakes can make things very difficult.

Have all the details laid out- not just what you want done but where all financial assets are. If you are comfortable it makes it easier if the executor is already listed as a beneficiary and has some access to the account; makes moving the funds easier. This doesn't need to be in the will, but make sure someone knows where to find it, and keep it updated.

Check with your state on if the estate will have to go through probate- I had to deal with this; there was enough wrapped up in it that it had to go through the probate process even though the will was clear and nobody was going to contest it (pricks at the state wanted their cut). Make sure you consider all your assets if they can't be overlooked when figuring that.

If it does have to go through probate, pick a law firm before hand- really, use them to write your will and make sure they keep a copy on file. Had an oh shit moment when the only copy of the will I could find was notarized but not signed...completely random but the lawyer assigned by the firm I used was actually working with the notary on another estate and was able to get a copy.

Along with arrangements make sure the executor knows what bills will need to be paid (utilities, loans, etc etc) and where your previous tax returns are.

The executor/PR will, depending on your state I think, get either a flat fee or a percentage of the estate. If you use a law firm they get a percentage, though they may want more.

And keep it updated- nothing like finding out that it was written decades before and not fully relevant anymore, especially if someone wants to contest it.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 29 March 2020, 19:55
Steve40th Steve40th is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 1,911
I need to research the probate here in South Carolina. If I leave the house to my wife, and assets are available to pay it off, pay taxes etc, what could the state/probate expect out of this? Do they get an inheritance tax from spouse etc?
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 29 March 2020, 20:33
Janitor Janitor is offline
Ghey floor sweeper
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Bottom Feeding
Posts: 2,993
“Probate” is merely the legal process by which an executor/personal representative is appointed by the probate court to administer the assets belonging to a decedent. Estate and gift taxes are federal creatures, and the unified credit is so generous now that the majority of people do not have to pay any estate tax. Can’t speak to your state taxes, if any.

If you want to stay out of probate court altogether, there are a number of tools you can use. The most common is a “pay on death” designation on a bank account or retirement account. Some states have beneficiary deeds (transfer property to third party on death), but all have joint tenancies with right of survivorship (does the same, but creates a present gift and exposes the property to the joint tenant’s creditors). Lots of ways to skin the cat.
__________________
WTF is wrong with these people? Who eats pangolin? --mdwest
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 29 March 2020, 20:57
Jakers Jakers is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 558
Probate is more than that, at least in Oregon. There's a specific judge who is assigned to the case and oversee's everything and has to approve all disbursements and each step. This mattered less in my case as the 2 people involved got along ok and the will was clear...I have a friend who was in the opposite boat (no will, husbands family was estranged from him and hated her) and life was miserable, but actually helped having someone else as the "final" impartial third party authority.

As far as taxes...Oregon takes them, and, as with everything, the disbursement is overseen by the judge- everything gets filed with them so if you try and fudge things...good luck. What I meant about the state wanting their cut of larger (hell it isn't even that large really) estates.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 29 March 2020, 22:16
Fu King Lawyer Fu King Lawyer is offline
Been There Done That
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: ...
Posts: 1,744
Put together a binder - "When I die" and make sure your NOK knows its location. Direct what you want done with your remains in writing.
Include in the binder all financial data, bank accounts, how to access, etc. Put in there copies of all birth certificates, social security numbers, copies of past divorces/marriage certificates, etc.
The more accounts and property that are jointly owned "with right of survivorship" will help avoid probate (and the costs of probate).
Have all insurance data in the book.
Put your will in the book.
Put car titles in the book (there too, joint owners with right of survivor will make things simpler)
Tell your spouse/NOK to keep one of your bank accounts open for about 18 months. When checks come in after your death made out to your name, tell them to write "for deposit only" and deposit them in the account with your name on it. It works much better than having to try to get the checks reissued.
Have copies of your DD-214, retirement orders, social security annual statements, annual retirement statements, OPM annual adjustment of annuity statements - all that stuff in the book.
Have copies of your past two IRS 1040s in the book.
Have a copy of your VA rating in there. If your death can be attributed to service connection, your spouse may receive a substantial benefit as Dependent Indemnity Compensation. Also, the VA death gratuity often is more than the social security death annuity.

Please don't leave your NOK to go to a funeral home being dazed and shocked. I have experience with a widow that signed on for over $25K for a cremation because of all the "add ons" she signed up for while in grief. She came to us saying she couldn't afford it all and asked for help. Our VFW Post got involved and satisfied the Vet's wishes thru a different funeral home for 1/10th of what the widow was going to get charged.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 29 March 2020, 22:50
DB8541 DB8541 is offline
Confirmed User
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fu King Lawyer View Post
Put together a binder - "When I die" and make sure your NOK knows its location. Direct what you want done with your remains in writing.
Include in the binder all financial data, bank accounts, how to access, etc. Put in there copies of all birth certificates, social security numbers, copies of past divorces/marriage certificates, etc.
The more accounts and property that are jointly owned "with right of survivorship" will help avoid probate (and the costs of probate).
Have all insurance data in the book.
Put your will in the book.
Put car titles in the book (there too, joint owners with right of survivor will make things simpler)
Tell your spouse/NOK to keep one of your bank accounts open for about 18 months. When checks come in after your death made out to your name, tell them to write "for deposit only" and deposit them in the account with your name on it. It works much better than having to try to get the checks reissued.
Have copies of your DD-214, retirement orders, social security annual statements, annual retirement statements, OPM annual adjustment of annuity statements - all that stuff in the book.
Have copies of your past two IRS 1040s in the book.
Have a copy of your VA rating in there. If your death can be attributed to service connection, your spouse may receive a substantial benefit as Dependent Indemnity Compensation. Also, the VA death gratuity often is more than the social security death annuity.

Please don't leave your NOK to go to a funeral home being dazed and shocked. I have experience with a widow that signed on for over $25K for a cremation because of all the "add ons" she signed up for while in grief. She came to us saying she couldn't afford it all and asked for help. Our VFW Post got involved and satisfied the Vet's wishes thru a different funeral home for 1/10th of what the widow was going to get charged.
I don't think, you can get anymore complete then this check list.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 29 March 2020, 22:55
Janitor Janitor is offline
Ghey floor sweeper
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Bottom Feeding
Posts: 2,993
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakers View Post
Probate is more than that, at least in Oregon. There's a specific judge who is assigned to the case and oversee's everything and has to approve all disbursements and each step. This mattered less in my case as the 2 people involved got along ok and the will was clear...I have a friend who was in the opposite boat (no will, husbands family was estranged from him and hated her) and life was miserable, but actually helped having someone else as the "final" impartial third party authority.

As far as taxes...Oregon takes them, and, as with everything, the disbursement is overseen by the judge- everything gets filed with them so if you try and fudge things...good luck. What I meant about the state wanting their cut of larger (hell it isn't even that large really) estates.
You got stuck in a formal probate proceeding. Other states have “informal” proceedings, and only under certain circumstances are formal proceedings required.

OregonÂ’s legal system is an odd duck for a variety of reasons. IÂ’m from there, my brother and parents practice law there, and IÂ’ve helped them work up cases for trial. They also donÂ’t have sales tax, so they have to get their money elsewhere. Estate tax there is 10-16%, and the first $1 million is exempt, iirc.
__________________
WTF is wrong with these people? Who eats pangolin? --mdwest
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Our new posting rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 15:57.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Socnet.com All Rights Reserved
© SOCNET 1996-2020